Why is it difficult for men to forgive their women who sleep with other men? Why is it that in Africa, men are excused when they commit sexual sin against their spouses? It is very easy for you to hear women say, forgive your husband. Do you want to leave your husband, just because you caught him with another woman? But when a woman does the same thing, even her fellow women will ridicule her for sleeping with another man other than her husband. Why is society so partial? The following story will acquaint you with how the society treats women unfairly.
In her solitary minutes, Kolawole Busola, 38, (not genuine name) would absolutely wish she could fix the series of occasions that drove her into having affairs with Daniels, a partner at work.
She is married to a workaholic, Babatope, 43, who never spent an entire week in the house without going for one trip or the other, Busola still has her conscience hunting her, for what she has got herself into.
Her undoing was as a result of sharing her bitter marital experiences and how her husband starved her of sex, with her male colleague at work, who in a bid to help her out, got very close to her. The closer they got to each other, the more emotional ties they developed with each other. Before they knew what was happening, they started dating each other, and the woman successfully hid this illicit affair from her spouse.
They did that more than once, and being something she had missed from her better half, it turned into a routine to the degree that her significant other suspected and began observing her, closely.
Inevitably, Babatope discovered that his better half had been sleeping with another man and one day, he took his spouse's mobile phone and decided to read her text messages.
Immediately Babatope saw unpleasant messages in his wife's phone, he decided to end the marriage. Not even supplications and reprimands by relatives and companions could persuade him to change his mind.
The couple were about marking their fifteenth wedding anniversary when this ugly incident happened, and every effort to persuade the husband to change his mind failed.
The union was held in high esteem by many people before this time, as they were seen as good example to many couples.The relationship however deteriorated day after day, even though they were still living together. Busola tried to deny her illicit relationship with her colleague at work, but her husband could not accept any of her explanations, because he was convinced beyond reasonable doubts that his wife cheated on him
Enraged Babatope has made up his mind to send his wife parking, because according to him, the offense committed by his wife is unforgivable. He had told her, "I can excuse and neglect anything, however not betrayal. This can never be pardoned and because of these lines, she needs to go."
In the mean time, Busola recollected that she had caught her husband before with another woman and when he pleaded, she forgave him. Why is it so difficult for him to pardon her? why has the husband become so unforgiving, even though he was the cause of her infidelity. because he didn't give her the attention she needed from him as a wife. He was not there for her, and this drove her into the hands of another man.
The union is blessed with three youngsters; two male children and a female child, however that was not an adequate purpose for him to change his mind from quitting the marriage, as he had said more than once that he could never pardon her for undermining him.
Busola's experience is not bizarre; it is in actuality the truth for various ladies. Despite the fact that men have dependably been seen to be guiltier of unfaithfulness in marriage, a few studies have likewise demonstrated that ladies are additionally getting very unfaithful to their spouses.
Justifiably and for good reasons, betrayal has over and again occurred in marriages, and it has already been accepted as a norm in our society, that men can be excused if they cheat on their girlfriends and their wives, but if women indulge in such an act, it is seen as a taboo not only that, the woman will be asked to leave the marriage.
Things being what they are, how can it be that men think that its hard to excuse their accomplices if found to be unfaithful to their spouse?
According to a British Psychotherapist, Philip Hodson, most men think its hard to excuse an unfaithful spouse, since it affects their manliness, and to them, it may flag off the end of the relationship.
Hodson, who is additionally a Fellow of the British Association for Counseling and Psychotherapy, said, "Men can pardon themselves for their indiscretions, however they think that its harder to excuse their female partners for the same. For a double-crossed lady, an issue by the man is an offense against her pride, yet for a double-crossed man, a lady's unfaithfulness is an offense against his masculinity. It goes right to the center of his personality."
Clarifying further on the explanation behind this irregularity , an analyst at the Obafemi Awolowo University, Prof. Toba Elegbeleye, said with regards to marriage, men and women see things in different ways. He called attention to the fact that a man tends to see his wife as his property, thus the minute another person tries to cross the limit and meddles with his property, that will be a very serious matter.
He further said that another reason men do not forgive their unfaithful spouses, especially if they have kids together, is the fear that they may not be the biological father of the children they have with their wives.
Be that as it may, is it that ladies think that its simpler to excuse? Elegbeleye said that is not the situation, noticing that they would preferably persist than set out to confront the shame that accompanies going out of their marriages.
It is similarly enlightening to note, as indicated by a study by a few specialists from Chapman University in Orange, California, United States, that while it is normal that both men and ladies will encounter sexual desire, men may show especially increased reactions to sexual desire, when contrasted with that of ladies.
As it were, most men would be more vexed if their other half had a sexually illicit relationship, while ladies would be more harmed by enthusiastic unfaithfulness.
In the report inspected on Mail Online, the analysts said, "If a man's partner is guilty of sexual unfaithfulness, this brings into inquiry his sexual ability and along these lines puts a question mark on his manliness, which drives him to respond vehemently against an unfaithful wife, to prove to the world that he is sexually active.
In the study, they asked 64,000 individuals what might agitate them more; whether when their spouses engage in sexual relations with another person or when their accomplices experience passionate feelings but not with sexual relationship.
Toward the end of the study, they found that 54% of men will probably be more harmed by sexual betrayal than enthusiastic unfaithfulness by their accomplices, while only 35% of ladies would be more harmed by sex than if their accomplice went gaga for someone else. This demonstrates that men dread sexual disloyalty, while ladies dread passionate unfaithfulness.
What do you think? share your thoughts with me.
What do you learn from Busola's story?
My email- rachele20022002@yahoo.com
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