NEGATIVE TRAITS INHERITED BY YOUR CHILDREN FROM YOU

I feel very remorseful and guilty, when I see my child display the negative triats she inherited from me, like anger, being unnecessarily inquisitive and laziness, because growing up as a child, I was very lazy and sluggish So now, I do a lot of shouting, to make sure my child doesn’t continue with those negative traits

As parents, we often revel in the similarities we see between us and our offspring. Even a sense of humour or a keenness for sport can be attributed to the blueprint put down in our DNA and again mums and dads with funny or sporty children might vie for the accolade of having 'given' them that part of their personality.

But what about negative traits? While parents perhaps acknowledge that they have passed on a condition such as anxiety, shyness or stubbornness, it is challenging to both parent and child to navigate the waters that can be muddied as a result of such similarity.

When thinking about difficult personality traits it is important to note that the way a parent responds to a characteristic such as anxiety, for example with excessive anger, has a significant impact on how the child deals with that aspect of their personality both in the present and in the future.

As Parents we can struggle with a child mirroring our traits, feeling guilty when we see the child upset or frustrated by feelings we can relate to. The guilt has to be worked through and parents have to be careful to not overly identify with the child as this can limit the need for crucial reflection to take place aimed at helping the child to make sense of their feelings in the context of an event, and  think about what other choices might have resulted in a different outcome. "I can see things in her personality that remind me of some struggles I had growing up, so yes, I'm definitely preparing myself mentally - and through educating myself, for dealing with those things, or even preventing them if possible. I think every generation tries to makes things better than the last and in the '80s things were brushed off, while in this generation I think we try to recognise our kids' challenges for what they are and help them learn ways to cope."

The job for parents in this situation is therefore a tricky one; they must work hard to understand their child's emotional state and be mindful of how their own emotional responses, from their own life experiences, might impact on how they try to help their child manage a trait that they themselves might also be battling with.

I hope this answers you’re your question.

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